Hi family! One week down many to go! And boy oh boy what a week it was. But all of it is a testament to the fact that when you are completely broken is where God meets you most to put you back together in the way He wants to. But, buckle up because there’s a lot to read and I’m sorry but there’s so much to say!

Let’s start at the beginning. It begins with me entering training camp, setting up my tent and meeting my new family. Already driving into camp I was faced with HUGE clouds of spiderwebs- we do not have those in California. Absolutely insane. If I only knew the ways I would be tested that night. Long story short there were two daddy long legs (bigger than the sip rim of a solo cup, if you can imagine it) in my tiny two person tent. I was crippled in fear the entire night. I got probably 3 hours of sleep total. Blasting worship music, faced with the knowledge that I was completely alone, and Connor, my mom or my dad wasn’t coming to kill spiders for me I curled in a ball as two daddy long legs walked all over the outside of my mesh tent roof. Absolutely terrifying.

And when faced with this challenge, I absolutely broke. I was so upset with God because I was like “Lord people are covering me in prayer over spiders. How could you let one get into my tent?” Also “what on earth did I get myself in to? How am I supposed to deal with bigger spiders than this in every single other country, leave my entire family behind, and start this new life with people I just met 8 hours ago?” It was more than that that broke me, but it would take so much time to explain it all, so that’s the gist. But it was there, curled in a ball in fear that the Lord truly met me.

When my expectations were gone and nothing was left, and I was left completely and utterly alone, the only thing left I could do was pray. Pray that the Lord would be with me and that He would protect me. That He wouldn’t let any other spiders in, because btw I had no idea how it got in- still don’t- come into my tent. I had to trust completely that He would have me. Yes with the spiders but it also was greater than that. I feel like He was saying “Emma, I’m sending a harmless spider into your tent so that you trust me, that I will take care of you and have you. You have to realize that I am with you even when there is nothing left. I am with you. Trust me Emma. Trust me with the future, trust me with your deepest desires and fears, trust me that I’ve got you.” I think in some way God got a good laugh watching me cry over spiders because He ultimately knew that 1) daddy long legs are the most harmless spiders to exist and I would be fine and 2) the blessing from this experience, from being broken and completely left alone would far outweigh the fear and struggle.

Since then, I have been exposed to many spiders. I mean MANY. I have been lonely and stretched beyond compare. I have sweat so much I could take a full shower, maybe even two. Dirt and I are new best friends. I am never not overheated. But so much blessing has been found in it. I am more confident that God has got me than ever before, and that He is with me. He is for me. He put me here and I belong. I am filled constantly with the deepest sense of peace that only could come from the Lord. And through that confidence, I have learned to be confident myself. It was a rough first few days but I can confidently say that this trip will teach me more about the character of God the father, Jesus the son and the Holy Spirit than staying home would’ve. And I truly believe that through the unveiling of who God is, that I will find who I am too.

My prayer through these next months is that the Lord would grow me and prune me. That I would be so close to the vine when I come back that you would see me and immediately know I was a grape, because I was so much like the vine that made me. (If you’re picking up what I’m putting down). And my heart’s prayer for you is that you would fall in love with Jesus and be so for Him and His kingdom and people finding His freedom and glory that when I get home I would know you are a grape too, and because of that there would be an overflow of grapes, an abundance of them, from all the pruning you endured. Because when something is pruned it grows back stronger and more plentiful. So let’s be grapes people! Let’s be so close to the vine (God) that we would be filled with His juice (the Holy Spirit), and when we operate in the world others would see we are definitely, 100% grapes (Christ-like people).That’s my heart prayer. I’m so excited for what’s to come!

** it’s too long I could go on and on about my squad but my squad is amazing, our new family is great (great cannot describe us well enough but my vocabulary is limited at the moment). everyone is absolutely so filled with the Spirit and pushes each other and is there for one another. I have learned so much from all of them it’s insane. I’m so excited so so so excited for what’s to come!

I love you! bye 👋